So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
