That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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