dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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