if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
