I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
