we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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