Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Barsexuality is the new black.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
