Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
