I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
