I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
