Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
