I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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