I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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