yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
