Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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