Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
