don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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