My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
