Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
