This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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