His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize