Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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