I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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