On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
