I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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