You're my little dorito
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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