did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We left the knife in your bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
