apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
