Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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