So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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