Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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