Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
