So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
