pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
