And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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