Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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