i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
