So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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