So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
