Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"it" just moved
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
