i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
