You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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