so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
