oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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