he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
