My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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