i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
