apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
