This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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