He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
