You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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