I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
