you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
