then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
