I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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