So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
