I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everything about him screamed your future.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
