I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
