Dude my mom stole all your condoms
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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