oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
