So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
