did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
