I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this will be a night to untag.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
