also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
