I'm eating all of the evidence.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
