the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
