I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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