roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
