My first STD was from a foam party
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
wow bdsm is so cute
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
