It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize