drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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