So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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